Everyone will die, but I’ll stay! A play about the new Kia Picanto

A comedy in three acts, from which you will learn about the whole gamut of feelings experienced while meeting a compact Korean car of a new generation.

Main characters:

Victor, 35, middle manager of a large company. He is fond of sports. A convinced pragmatist, he likes to count money. Married to Nastya

Nastya, 29, works as an editor of a glossy women’s magazine. He is fond of floristry and scrapbooking. Emotional, loves beautiful things. Married to Victor

Kia Picanto, a compact car segment “A”. The third generation model. Has Korean roots, but comes from Kaliningrad. He loves 92nd gasoline and responsible drivers.

The first action, in which Victor learns about the existence of the new Kia Picanto.

-Vitia, remember I told you that I want a car for my birthday? Well, this is not the biggest, but pretty, to go to work and fitness? So, look, I found it!

-Well and what is it?

-This is Kia Picanto of the new generation!

-A, again the Koreans made some kind of bun, to “divorce” us!

-Vitia, well, why immediately “dilute”? Look how beautiful! Remember, Svetka had the same, but only the old one? But she bought it three years ago, and this year Kia introduced a completely new Picanto. Look, look, as the headlights changed, the grill became different, and the rear flashlights too. Svetka obzaviduetsya! Here here on the site write that the headlights can be lenticular projection type, and there are several options for fog lamps, to choose from. Well, and there LED street lights are provided. Well, it’s pretty, is not it?

-Hmm, yes we know all these things! They make some kind of hipster laboutnaya, but there’s nothing inside. I say, divorce is all!

Well, Vitya, forever, here you are with your pessimism, everything is there – multimedia, navigation, heated seats and steering wheel, and climate control, well, there are trifles. Well, let’s go tomorrow, let’s see, well, pity-a-alyusta!

-Oh, I do not know. I do not like all these little cars. So everyone says that they have a lot of things, but in fact it turns out to be some kind of catch. Well, be it your way! Let’s go tomorrow we’ll see. Anyway, you’re not going to leave me!

-I love you, Vitya!

-I love you, Nastya!

The second action, in which Victor and Nastya study the new Kia Picanto.

-So, well, let’s see what we have here. It looks like nothing, and to the touch, too. The wheel with the buttons is good. Yes, “multimedia” with a 7-inch screen with navigation too. It’s all nice. You just sit somehow incomprehensible. Armchairs like new, but still feeling like on a “stool”. It is a pity that the steering wheel is only adjustable in height. So, and here we have what?

-Well, honest mother, you think! Even the light bulbs are screwed here! It would be better to do something useful …

-Wit, you do not understand, it’s a useful thing, just for girls. Here you come somewhere, and you need to quickly fix makeup. It’s you, muzhiks, think that this is a trifle, and women know that everything is not so simple. And they here even made the right light, from two sides, so that you can normally make-up.

-Let’s go! Although there is no such thing on the right side. I like that the phone has much to put. Oh, yes there’s still wireless charging. Well, you think! Just a premium some! Yes, and an armrest, like nothing, with boxing. And what do we have behind?

-Well, like sat comfortably. Though in knees all the same cramped. If I were two meters tall, this trick would not do. But in the head does not press. Do not expect it! Yes, and in the elbows like roomy. Here in the brochure they write that another luggage compartment with a capacity of 255 liters. In general, it’s just enough for you to buy!

-You see, Vitya, it’s not so bad! Stop ironic, let’s go for a ride!

-I love you, Nastya!

-I love you, Vitya!

The third action, in which Victor and Nastya are hotly arguing about the new Kia Picanto

-Well, here, look. You see, the version of Prestige is just a little bit simpler, but nothing is already there. Neither the screen is beautiful, nor the seats with artificial leather, nor the armrest of that comfortable … The discs are smaller, and outwardly looks not so cocky …

-Oh, Vitya, there you go again! We went by car, and you found fault with the appearance. You said you said it was a “hipster labutnya”? Come on, you better test the car, you know more about this.

_The motor presses the start button of the engine, switches the selector of the 4-speed automatic transmission to position D, and starts moving. _

At first glance, it looks like nothing. If you remember that under the hood the engine capacity of 1.2 liters with 84 hp, the acceleration from the place to 100 km / h in 13.7 seconds does not seem so bad. In addition, from the place it moves so well, is quick. And the machine normally works. So, but at the speed of what? 60 … 80 … 100 … 120 km / h … Yes normally goes! Noisy only at high revs. It’s good that we were given version 1.2, and not this “pukalku” with a liter 67-horsepower motor and 5-speed mechanics … And, look, as the turn comes! I thought, now I’ll tear it off, but she holds nothing, you can not even say that it’s a small car. Not a sports car, of course, not once, but quite worthy.

-With, well, here you started again as a peasant about your dynamics … One hundred and twenty? Yes, I do not go at such speeds! I would not hesitate, neatly. And if you move around the city like this, Picanto even gives pleasure. And the expense, the main thing, the moderate – write that about seven liters in the city. And she also has a parking camera in the top version, so it was more convenient to park. And what else do you need if you just go to work?

-Soft suspension! That’s what I do not like about this car. Nast, well, look how it goes through the recumbent cops and hummocks. Blow-bang! At us speed of 40 km / h, and here nods a head any not clear.

-Vit, well, you yourself say, manageability, “holder.” Here, either one or the other! In addition, the shake was much less than the old one. I went with Svetka a couple of times together, so it’s even tougher on her car. And then they kind of like something twirled in the settings, something changed … And this, like her, the wheelbase by 15 mm increased. That’s better!

-Then, it’s OK. Okay, open the secret, how much is this your Picanto?

-So, well, look. Quite a “naked” machine with a 1.0-liter engine and a 5-speed manual in the Classic version costs 549,900 rubles, but there is almost nothing, even an air conditioner, power windows and radio. In the version of Comfort, it all appears, but 634,900 rubles already want for it. For a more powerful 1.2-liter engine will ask at least 649 900 rubles, for a more advanced version of Luxe will have to give 754 900 rubles, but there will already be projection headlights, LED running lights, fog lights, climate control, side airbags, cruise -control. If you take this version, as we now drove, Vitya, she Prestige is called, then you need to prepare 794 900 rubles. Well, that car in the sports style, in which we sat in the salon, costs 854,900 rubles.

-How many? Yes they are there, completely stupid ?! It’s for that kind of money that you can take more. Yes, even the same Kia Rio, in this same salon! It is bigger, more roomy, and costs from 650 900 rubles. And thousands for 750-800 it can even be nice so napigovat …

-Wit, well, what “Rio”, what are you talking about? Well, yes, she’s bigger … But she’s not girly! At us on such car on work the security guard and the accountant go!

-Anyway, I would have taken something else, well, for all its merits, Kia Picanto is not quite practical enough. It is possible to get a much larger car for the same money, with a better engine, a larger trunk, and in general, I’m not even talking about a used car.

-Vit, well, here again you are a man-like “load” start! I’m not going to the country on it! Why do I need a large trunk? The motor for the city is enough for me, but see what a new Kia Picanto is beautiful. And then, what should I take? All such small cars povymeri in the crisis as a class. There is Ravon R2, it costs from 439 900 rubles, but it is not so beautiful, and morally old enough already. There are also Fiat 500 and Smart Forfour. They are cool, of course, there is no dispute. But, Vitya, they are even more expensive! One costs from 1 015 000 rubles, and another – from 830 000 rubles. You say that this is a lot, so what are we talking about? And more in this segment by and large there is nothing.

-A, in general, maybe there is something in your words. It seems that the Koreans are again beginning to flirt with customers, increasing the market share. Simply, I do not understand why, when buying, be guided solely by emotions, when it comes to the usual city machine, albeit quite good in performance. My heart the new Kia Picanto never melted. But if you like it so much, then we will definitely allocate money, and take it!

-Yes, I love you so much!

-I love you, too, Nastya!

Timothy Isaev, Photo by KIA

Technical specifications Kia Picanto 2017

Overall dimensions, cm

359.5 x 159.5 x 149.5

Wheelbase, cm


The equipped weight, kg


Cargo space, l



1.0 MPI benz., 1.2 MPI benz.


67 hp, 84 hp


95/122 N • m


5-st. MCP, 4-st. ACT

type of drive


Maximum speed, km / h


Acceleration from 0-100 km / h, from

14.3 / 13.7

Fuel capacity, l